These Boots Were Made For Walkin’

Help Me in the OC wrote:

I am going through a really hard time right now. My mom and my brother are both ill. My mom was diagnosed with cancer about a month ago and is currently undergoing treatment. My brother is on heavy medication and it’s causing him to have mood swings. I’m trying to be optomistic and strong but it’s very difficult. I’ve tried to reach out to my boyfriend for encouragement and support but he’s not much help. When I ask him to come over or spend the night he’ll say he can’t because he’s got plans with the “boys” and I can’t expect him to change his plans all of a sudden. He’s been acting really different lately and it makes me feel like he may be cheating. I wish he were there for me, especially now that I need him. But I don’t think i could handle adding a break-up into the mix. Any advice?

Help Me, first and foremost, my thoughts and prayers are with you, your mom and brother.  It’s never easy when a loved one becomes sick.  Reading your email was very sombering and it definitely puts things in perspective.  It is a bit intimidating for me to be muy serio but I will do my best to give an honest answer, Jefe style, in regards to your chico (boyfriend).  With that being said…

Your boy is dropping the ball!  Plain and simple.  He knows the severity of your mom’s illness and isn’t offering any type of comfort or support?  I may not have ever won an award for world’s greatest boyfriend but I do have a little thing inside me that is called compassion.  Your chico is about a gallon short and that’s a problem.  It’s in times like these that he needs to step his game up. 

Any guy that really cares for his girlfriend will do what it takes to be there for her.  It’s hard for me to fathom, given your circumstances, that your guy is so cold.  Life has taught me that women don’t need to be “saved” but they do need peace of mind knowing somebody is there to be a source of strength when needed. 

The reason he’s been acting different is because he has emotionally checked out.  His plans with the boys are just excuses he gives not to be there for you.  That in itself should be the sign that tells you to put on your boots and get to steppin’.  I won’t imply that he’s cheating but things don’t look good when he makes lame excuses.  Here’s a tough question: Are you willing to walk away?  I know you have a lot on your plate but does “being” with him really mean he’s being with you?  You are a couple but it’s only a title.  Do you know why?  Because you’re the only one who cares.  That’s not a relationship.

Value who you are as a woman.  Know that you deserve better!  C’mon!  The writing is on the wall but you are scared to be alone.  Guess what?  You already are!  I don’t say that to be mean but, again, homeboy has checked out.  No break up is ever easy but your sanity and self worth are way more important.  You know what you need to do, you just need to get over the fear.  Part of your strength for you mom and brother is knowing you are a capable woman who can stand on her own two feet.  Now use them to get on the right path and strengthen your endurance.  You can do it!

Submit your questions to: ask_jefe@yahoo.com

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