My friend is going through a really tough break up. We are roommates and I’m trying to be understanding but the past week was nerve racking because she kept me up late at night wanting to talk. She keeps wanting answers about what went wrong and I’ve tried to tell her that life is just crazy and has a way of working itself out. I try talking about other things but she keeps going back to her boyfriend. What should I do? I think I need closure more than she does!
Sleepless, like Chaka Khan once said, I feel for you. Jefe applauds you and the effort you put forth in trying to be a good friend. It’s a pretty safe bet to say that everybody had some type of heartbreak that has left so many questions. We all have wanted answers but sometimes, the answers never came.
You need to be straight up with your amiga and tell her the closure she wants may never come. She has to be OK with that. In a perfect world, we all get to have closure and move on knowing the answers we sought. Let’s just say she does get her answers – then what? Will she be able to move on or will she try justifying in her mind the need for more answers just to be able to talk/be with him again? Part of closure is letting go. Is she willing to let go?
The need for answers is just our subconscious trying to make excuses for things that went wrong. If we know what went wrong, we can fix it and then, hopefully, fix the relationship, even if only in our mente. The heart of the matter is a control issue. When you truly care for somebody, you’re not out to control them or the relationship. Pete, Re-Pete and Friends ask, is she willing to let go?
It can be tough when you’re trying your best to help a friend get through a broken heart. You need to find the right balance of gentleness and strength. Have gentleness when you are the shoulder to cry on and the ear that listens; have strength for when you are the voice of reason and for when she needs a good kick in the colita! Good luck and I hope you get some rest.