Sister & The Hood

Frustrated Sister wrote:

My little sister is in her early twenties and is dating a total douche bag.  Nobody likes him and we all have grown tired of him and his rotten ways.  I knew he was bad news the first time I met him because every other word that came out of his mouth was “f’n hummm”.  Oh, there’s more!  He doesn’t get a full-time job because it interferes with his other “job” of selling drugs.  He smokes around my sister even though he knows she has problems with her lungs.  He trashed my sister’s  Volvo and didn’t help her repair it.  My sister’s car had a flat while they both were in it and he didn’t know how to change the tire; she had to call our brother to come out and change it;  her boyfriend didn’t even offer to help as our brother changed the tire in the rain!   They have been on and off for a while and I don’t understand why she keeps seeing him.  How do I tell her that he’s a loser but in a nice way?

Frustrated Sis, Jefe is 99.9% sure that your little sister knows her boyfriend is a loser.  I know that love is supposed to be blind but even Stevie Wonder can see that homeboy is a total douche!  Sad as it is to say, the problem is not Mr. D-bag but your hermana.  She allows this pendejo to get away with so much.  The real question is why?

For the many discrepencies (watcha, big word) that her viejo has, your sister holds accountability for allowing them to continue.  That’s the biggest concern Jefe has because the boyfriend knows she won’t do anything or leave.  Why should he change if she doesn’t seem to mind how he is?  His piss-poor attitude and way of living will remain the same no matter what you say to your sister.  It’s up to her to see how low she has set her standards and the reality of being fine with them.

What you should try to do is ask her how she feels when the boyfriend acts immature and disregards her feelings.  Tell her to be honest with you.  I’m sure it pains you to see her treated that way so tell her.  Put the focus on her and not him because it’s her brokenness and insecurities that have caused her to be in this relationship for way too long. 

There’s only so much you can say or do because in the end, it’s up to the person who is getting the raw end of the deal to say enough is enough.  That should in no way stop you from being there for her and encouraging her to raise her standards and to love herself for the person she is.  Hopefully, she’ll see it sooner than later. 

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